remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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