my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
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I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm bleeding and have questions
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