the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
