If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
