I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.