38 yer olds are good kisserssss
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?