I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil