I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.