If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(