This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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