Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
