I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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