Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(907): View more from Alaska

she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.

Fav 31 986 5463
share tweet
(513): View more from Ohio

I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this

Fav 13 4563 1244
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(606): View more from Kentucky

I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"

Fav 56 1340 5371
share tweet
(812): View more from Indiana

Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.

Fav 5 1827 830
share tweet
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
Read it at the TFLN blog
(360): View more from Washington

She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.

Fav 11 1054 1635
share tweet
(519): View more from Ontario

I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen

Fav 2 741 1097
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(898): View more from

Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.

Fav 2 874 582
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(702): View more from Nevada

This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.

Fav 0 806 610
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(701): View more from North Dakota

Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.

Fav 2 134 8
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT