While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
