thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
