Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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