My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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