Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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