if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
