i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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