Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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