After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
