tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
