My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
