can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
