Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
