I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I want a musical about memes.
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