i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
