The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
