Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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