Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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