i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
