I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
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I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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