worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
home. puking in laundry basket.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
