oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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