I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
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Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
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this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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