I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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