Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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