Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
