I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
