She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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