Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
