I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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