It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
