she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
