do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
