at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
