note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
