He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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