Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
