we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We need a shit load of segways right now
i think i just lost a toe
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
