Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
