I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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