and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
