I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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