How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
