She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
