you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
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Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
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Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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