I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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