Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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