i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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