I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
