I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
