I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You made out with two different species that night
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
