that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I am one with the molecules
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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