Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
