Do you still have your period?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
im six kinds of drunk right now
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
