My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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