..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
