I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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