my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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