im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
