I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
