next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
as a side note pls kill me
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
