The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
