I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
