Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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