do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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